Hi kids! Have you been watching the proceedings of the Earth Summit in Johannesburg? Do you wish that YOU too could take bold commitments to save the world and turn them into mushy language full of loopholes, wiggle room, and ambiguity GUARANTEED to ensure you never have to lift a finger to save the planet???
Well now you CAN! Let's pretend you're a real world leader in Johannesburg! Here's what you should do when handed a draft agreement.
Let's say this draft contains the following statement:
All countries agree to phase out nuclear power.
Isn't that just awful? So clear and so simple a child could have written it, but it'll mean a lot of work for you when you get home. It may also make some of those pals of yours a little bit upset. They might not buy you any more elections! So let's swing into action!
Now, if you're a national delegate, you can tell the Chairman that you want to put that statement in brackets. Brackets mean you're not entirely happy with that text, and you'd like to strangle it. Go on. Any country can do it, all by themselves, for any reason at all. Brackets are cheap, so sprinkle them liberally throughout any text that suggest actually doing anything! It's so easy!!!
[All countries agree to phase out nuclear power.]
Now that you've got it in brackets, let's add some cool inactivating phrases. Personally, I've always liked "take measures to." Watch!
[All countries agree to {take measures to} phase out nuclear power.]
Still, that's a bit too crisp. So let's reach into our document hat and find another nifty nugget. How about "have instruments in place"??? Sounds like lawyers will get involved! Now THAT ought to slow things down!
[All countries agree to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out nuclear power.]
Now, our commitment is a little lopsided, so lets look at a couple conditional clauses for the second half. Let's try the ever popular, "inter alia, where possible"! Now we've got a spiffy little loophole!
[All countries agree to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out {inter alia, where possible} nuclear power.]
Super-duper! Now, by putting one little phrase in front of the entire sentence, we can make it look like we value talking to everybody before doing anything. If we word it right, we'll find ourselves making a commitment to simply TALK ABOUT making a commitment! Outstanding!!!! So, let's "Develop multi-stakeholder approaches with the aim to," shall we!
[All countries agree to {develop multi-stakeholder approaches with the aim to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out {inter alia, where possible} nuclear power.]
But wait a minute, we've been talking for ten years about some of these subjects, and talking is really, really tiring. So let's see if we can't change this into a commitment to THINKING about TALKING about taking action. Oh boy oh boy! Let's "Consider adopting plans to"!!! Rockin!
[All countries agree to {consider adopting plans to} {develop multi-stakeholder approaches, with the aim to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out {inter alia, where possible} nuclear power.]
And there we have it! A masterpiece of syntactical inaction designed to send you home from Johannesburg with zippity-do-dah diddley-squat to do!!!
This would be an excellent time to use your new found leisure to take up a hobby. How about those violin lessons you've been putting off???
Posted by brian at August 29, 2002 08:20 PMHi Brian,
Yes, unfortunatelly that is the way these guys work. MAke it so innocent that everybody buys it and at the end it will be worthless. Man, what a fight this is. I just wished I could be there with you guys, challenging delegates, lobbying for change. You are doing a fine job. We are all watching you. Keep the pressure up. By the way, that press conference of the WBCSD with the BP guy and Remi stating a shared view of the need to go for the Kioto P. implementation and a clear cut international energy policy is good! We are starting to see many corporations giving more importance to their environmental guys. The tide may not be turning yet, but it is getting close. Good work for tomorrow.
Posted by: Ilidio Franco Marques on August 29, 2002 11:50 PMYour demonstration is just brilliant. And useful.
Posted by: Jean-Luc Thierry on August 30, 2002 09:11 AMSomething that also seems to pop up is
"to encourage voluntary agreements to"
So, let me rephrase your nukes phase-out proposal, whilst taking the liberty of removing the brackets
All countries agree to consider adopting plans to develop multi-stakeholder approaches, with the aim to encourage voluntary agreements so as to take measures to have instruments in place to phase out inter alia, where possible nuclear power IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
Brilliant
Let's commit ourselves to a multi STAKEholder, hm, dialog, to phase out heads of state!
Posted by: Jaap on September 1, 2002 10:46 AMMay be we should write our own
* All countries agree to phase out politicians.
You touch that sentence, I touch my trigger. Come on, you corruptocrat punk, make my Earth Day.
:-P
Posted by: on September 1, 2002 09:17 PMLet's make it even snappier:
*All countries agree to phase out*
Posted by: a lawyer on September 1, 2002 09:30 PMYou are doing an outstanding job of trying to protect our planet, as usual, and I am proud to be a supporter of Greenpeace. Keep up the excellent work, and a heart-felt thank you for all your actions. Pat B.
Posted by: Patricia Bennett on September 2, 2002 07:49 PMIt can be even more brief and merrier at the same time:
"All countries agree."
Posted by: Ralph Jas on September 3, 2002 01:19 PMHello Brian
Excellent demo !
But I find that "nuclear power" is not restrictive enough. What does it means ?
I would rephrase with :
All countries agree to {consider adopting plans to} {develop multi-stakeholder approaches, with the aim to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out {inter alia, where possible} civil nuclear power that could be considered as replacable power by other all other kinds of energies.
After this joke, just one word : Joburg has been a disaster. We should now intensify our actions. And vote with our wallets (such as the boycot of E$$O), to stop to buy from multinational or enterprises that are not respectful of the earth. As active member of GP, I expect clear and motivated guidances in that direction from our HQ.
Hello Brian
Excellent demo !
But I find that "nuclear power" is not restrictive enough. What does it means ?
I would rephrase with :
All countries agree to {consider adopting plans to} {develop multi-stakeholder approaches, with the aim to {take measures to} {have instruments in place to} phase out {inter alia, where possible} civil nuclear power that could be considered as replacable power by other all other kinds of energies.
After this joke, just one word : Joburg has been a disaster. We should now intensify our actions. And vote with our wallets (such as the boycot of E$$O), to stop to buy from multinational or enterprises that are not respectful of the earth. As active member of GP, I expect clear and motivated guidances in that direction from our HQ.
Hehehe. Wicked, guys. I can't believe I expected the world representatives' competance at ES! Whew, they almost had me fooled. Anyway, perfect way of getting the message across. Wish I helped out somehow :(
Liz
Posted by: Liz on September 4, 2002 12:59 PMHard to face the fact that it may take another 10 years to have further policies in place. We must vote with our cash, I agree. Why not list a 'best and worst' multinational for different industries and act accordingly?
Posted by: Jenri on September 4, 2002 04:14 PMJust thought I would add a bit of rational thought into this debate.
What about all of us who want Nuclear Power? Have you ever thought of us? Yeah the politicians are not getting anything much done but maybe that is because they are trying to please everyone and you are not willing to listen to another side.
Stop whining about everything and actually do something like cleaning up a city.
Cheers,
Gavin
Hey Brian,
Oooo! These people make me so sick! We, the "little people" from our respective countries, can see the plight of our planet, so why can't our leaders? I am proud to be an American, but the shame I find in my goverment is nothing new. Can they not see that nothing is more important than saving our Earth? But they refuse to do a damn thing about any of it. Earth Summit has been a failure. It's SICKENING!!!
Gavin
You're quite right to point out that one must start dealing with one's back garden before criticizing somebody elses. But big problems need to be solved in a big forum, like Jo'burg. If politicians find it hard to know what the people want: referendums.
Posted by: Jenry on September 4, 2002 06:19 PMGreat advances in Telecommunications for third world ( if allowed)
sl : business : smarts : products : mesh
The Active Mesh Network (Mesh) is a new generation telephone and internet delivery system.It is ideal for underdeveloped countries, which includes some two thirds of the world. Consider the ramifications.
More technically, the Mesh is a collection of proprietory software protocols
that enable existing high speed networking hardware to provide high
speed Wide Area Networks. The Mesh provides the first Wide Area Network solution that feels like
every computer on the Mesh is inside your office or home. The Mesh delivers high powered internet access to every consumer.
The Mesh is also a radically different telephone infrastructure which provides all the usual telephone services, to every consumer, all in one package!.
The hardware now exists to build a hugely powerful new combined telephone and internet infrastructure. Cisco Systems have such hardware.
The hardware exists but the software has not!
The worldwide hunt is on for this type of software with companies like Cisco Systems and Nokia involved.
Why?
Existing telephone exchange systems are basically very old technology.
They have been around for scores of years. In technology terms this is ancient thinking.
However it is reliable old technology!
The internet is more modern technology.
However it needs reliable infrastructure to run over and connect people together.
The internet is basically run over the existing old telephone systems.
This restricts the internet's potential enormously.
The goal has been to create a new infrastructure system which delivers full telephone services plus huge internet potential over an infrastructure that is as reliable as the old telephone system.
As stated above, the hardware for a new system exists.
The software needed to cope with and manage the huge traffic and data movement over such a system has not been built..
The Mesh uses existing hardware and includes the software that can do the job!
The Active Mesh Network is a world first and currently exists in prototype stages this new technology will replace the old technology telephone exchange systems currently used world wide.
The Mesh is capable of providing telephone services PLUS One Gigabit (ie 1 Million kbits) per second transmission and reception rates to every user on the network.
The average user during peak periods could expect 100 Megabit (ie 100,000 KBITS) per second capacity.
Compare 1 Million kbits per second to the 56 kbits per second most people currently access with their computer modems!
With 1 million kbits per second available telephone conferencing is available to every consumer. So are hundreds of other services like free live on-line education.
The list of applications is endless!
The Mesh provides best of breed characteristics of many types of older existing
networks.
It is suitable for both rural and business districts
It is physically robust against system failure and attacks
It is internally robust against network abuse
It provides protection against passive monitoring
It provides protection against service fraud
It is almost completely configuration free
From a business and marketing perspective the Mesh is cheap to install.
It is also cheap to run. Therefore internet access and telephone services are very cheap for consumers!
If the Mesh was installed in a 'third world' city then that population would have the most powerful telephone and internet system in the world, far more powerful than New York, Sydney or any other leading city.There are serious issues around who owns and controls the old existing telephone networks. However the sheer power of the Mesh and its use in under-developed countries will create demand from the economically advanced populations which will be hard to deny.
Posted by: Jack Dowds on September 6, 2002 12:35 AMKill all the politicians and lawyers.
Time to say goodbye!
BCY
Posted by: bcy on September 6, 2002 08:56 AMGreenpeace, we are all behind you & I agree we need to keep the pressure up after the failed commitments from this summit. (voting with cash will be a great way to hurt them).
Great to see the Rainbow Warrior off Cape Town whilst on my hols there last week!
I will continue to support you, keep up the good work!