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I hate ropes
By Lesley, assistant cook. 1 April. So - another bloody
rope story and this is a biggie, I can tell you!
We are docked in Palma. It's Easter Monday and I had a
lovely day off on Easter Sunday. Marko is planning to have
his day off on Tuesday, until he realises that we leave
Palma on Tuesday! Just after lunch he asks me if he can
take the rest of the day off because it's his only chance
as he will have to go shopping (big time) first thing Tuesday
morning. Of course I don't mind and set about planning what
to cook.
Marko and I decide on shepherd's pie as it's easy. I'll
do a shepherd (meat) and no shepherd (chickpeas) with broccoli.
There are hardly any crew on board anyway as they are all
off enjoying Palma, so I'll only be cooking for ten, tops.
Off Marko goes and I have a lovely time in the galley. Until...
and this is the bloody rope bit, folks.
I've got my shepherd and my no shepherd cooked and waiting
for the pie (mashed potatoes). Suddenly Dmitri comes into
the galley and asks if I can help move the ship. This is
because a huge ferry is coming in later and for some reason
wants the exact spot we have on the dock. Don't know why
it couldn't just park anywhere else on the empty dockside
- but hey, I'm only a galley slave.
As I said, all the crew are out enjoying Easter Sunday
in Palma. The deckhands who would be doing the job aren't
here so it literally is 'all hands on deck'. I go outside
and size up the situation. Helen and Sarah are at the bow,
Karl is on the dock, Bernard and Dmitri are standing at
the stern. So, what do I do?
Helen tells me to get on the dock, go to the stern of the
ship and await orders. Sounds simple. But when the orders
come, I've got Bernard and Dmitri telling me different things
at the same time and then having a discussion about what
is the best thing to tell me and then screaming 'get the
rope, get the spring rope'. What is a bloody spring rope?
Oh, you mean that very heavy black rope with the huge loop
tied to the big white thing on the dock? What do you want
me to do with it? 'Take it off'.
But I can't move it. I had no idea a rope could be so heavy.
Luckily they let some slack down from the ship and with
a huff and a puff I've got the rope off. What do I do now?
'Don't let go of the rope'. 'Walk the rope to the next eye'.
What's an eye? 'The big white thing'. Oh, OK.
I can hardly walk with the rope it is so heavy. I stagger
down the dock to the next big white thing and with a huge
huff, I get the black rope over it.
'Lesley get the stern line, get the stern line'. Which
one is that? Oh you mean the even bigger blue rope. I run
back down the dock. How I get the loop off the big white
thing is beyond me. This rope is really the biggest heaviest
thing I have ever picked up in my life. It's thicker than
my thighs (and that's saying something). 'Lesley don't let
go of the rope. Walk it along the dock to the big white
thing, where you put the big black rope'. Off I stagger.
I cannot believe I am doing this. I hate ropes. Ropes are
things that can wrap around your legs when you are not looking
and rip your feet off. I know, it's nearly happened to me
twice on other ships. Ropes are things to be treated with
great respect as far away from them as possible. And here
I am holding a huge blue rope which is attached to a ship
that is moving and staggering towards the big black rope
with a mission I don't know yet.
'Put the blue rope on the big white thing - but underneath
the black one'. How the hell do I do that. 'Don't take the
black one off, leave the black one alone'. So how the hell
do I get the blue one underneath? 'Stick it through the
eye'. Eye? Oh you mean the loop? 'Yep'.
Mission accomplished. 'Lesley take the black one off and
walk it to the next big white thing'. Why? 'Because the
ship is moving and the rope has to come off now. Now, quick'.
Oh bloody hell. I'm totally knackered. Do I really have
to do this all over again?
Yep, and what's more, I moved the bloody black rope and
the bloody blue rope five times, from one big white thing
to another. That's walking the Rainbow Warrior 400 meters
up the dock. That is all my energy for two weeks taken up
and now I can't even stand up.
OK, so Karl was doing exactly the same on the bow ropes.
OK, so Helen and Sarah and Bernard and Dmitri were all busy
pulling the ropes in on the ship and letting them out -
but I AM A GALLEY SLAVE WHO HATES ROPES.
What's more, what I thought was a five minute job (just
take the ropes off the dock, start the engine, pootle along
for 400 meters and put the ropes back on) has turned into
50 minutes of pure hell and my potatoes have probably boiled
to a lumpy brown mess at the bottom of the pot. Will someone
please turn my potatoes off. Bernard comes back with - but
Lesley, we are all busy right now!
When hell is over, I stagger back to the galley. Someone
has turned my potatoes off (bless them). I finish the shepherds
and crawl around the ship going 'bloody ropes, bloody ropes'
to anyone who will listen to me.
Lesley
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